I emptied out a pile of junk messages from my email account the other day, and I found a lot of adverts on the above lines…
It seems that since I turned 50, some Internet bot out there identified me as a “target demographic” that really, really wants a good-looking trophy wife half my age. Of course, I’ll also be incapable of an erection – hence all the Viagra “boner brew” offers – and just to be on the safe side I really ought to have my funeral costs all worked out first; being 50 and all, I may fall over dead at any given moment.
Then, there’s all the adverts offering me “free gambles” in online casinos and others telling me that I’ve won thousands in contests I never even entered. What it is to be pigeonholed!
Yet it’s also fascinating in a contrary kind of way. Take a bare handful of known factors and come to a conclusion about me and my lifestyle that is 100 percent pure bullshit. And then bombard me relentlessly with “great deals” tailored to that theoretical version of me.
Yes, I’ve turned 50. Yes, I’m a single heterosexual man… But after what happened to me in my last relationship, I have no desire to go chasing after “hot babes”, Russian or otherwise.
I’m not a hopeless gambling junkie, and I’m way too much of a cynical bastard to believe that I’ve “won” an online contest I’ve never heard of. I’m far too used to having life kick me in the face.