Billy's Big Invention

"Billy had the chamber all ready to go. He just needed a liquid catalyst to transform his cellular structure. A magic potion, if you will. Important safety tip here, people: 'Magic Potion' only works if you're in an Asterix cartoon.

"Of course, Billy couldn't get what he wanted from legitimate suppliers. He had to do a lot of legwork; go black market, track down crackpot conspiracy theorists. He spent six months on his hunt before he found what he was after: Formula X-99.

"Formula X-99 was one of those big-budget research ideas that didn't work out. I have a copy of the project summary right here. You can see the word 'Cancelled' in red ink on the cover.

"Billy fixed on what X-99 promised to do. He didn't bother to read the whole thing. If he had, he might have learned a few things... like why it got cancelled.

"X-99's full name is about eighty-five letters long; a liquid compound of truly ferocious potency. It was meant to be used on trees, for crying out loud, and Billy decided it was just the thing. He got hold of a semi-trailer tanker full of the stuff.

"Billy's revenge was almost at hand. He'd soon be able to mess with all those hot cheerleaders who'd ignored him! He'd torment the football jocks who had slapped him around! He'd destroy the teachers who'd envied his superior intelligence!

"Sorry? Oh, I didn't say why X-99 got cancelled? There was an accident. Some Formula X-99 got released near a small town called Stanton's Creek. 137 people were killed in what the CDC came to call the Chipmunk Incident of 1983. I think we all remember that episode. The photographs make for some grim viewing..."

To Be Continued